Should You Contact Your Ex After a Break Up?

Published: 30th October 2008
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There are a few reasons you may want to contact your ex after a break up. One, you want to see how they're doing and to re-develop a friend with them. Two, you want to see if you could convince them to get back together. Three, you want to talk to them about the break up, to possibly 'explain' yourself. Either way, it's either to get closure or to develop/maintain your relationship with them.

If your break up was recent and you still feel some unresolved issues, perhaps you do want to get them back into a relationship, then I would wait a little while before you contact. How long? The time will depend on how long since you have last spoken, but generally if your ex has ended things and you haven't heard from them since, I would wait at least a month before contacting them again.

If you feel there has been a lot of misunderstandings and you're unsure whether to contact because you want your ex to have their space, send them an email or a note to let them know what is on your mind. Their response (or lack of) will be your answer. It's better not to keep bombarding them with email and messages. When they're ready to talk to you, they will contact.

If you were the one to break up with your ex and now you're feeling extremely guilty about it, it's time to put your pride aside and contact your ex with an apology. Don't dwell on whether they have contacted you or not yet, just call them because if you broke things off with them, or said a bunch of things you didn't mean, the ball is in your court to make the first contact.

What if they don't want to talk to you? It might happen that when you do try to contact, they will either be cold, distant or will even be angry for your contact. This might not be fairly normal if there were a lot of hostility around your break up. If your ex doesn't respond straight away, DON'T contact them again until about a week or two. You don't want to appear desperate by calling too much, but just in case they didn't get your message, you should try again after a certain amount of time.

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